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ashcrash06
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Name: Ashley Birthday: 6/5/1987 Gender: Female
Interests: Cheerleading,Talking,Shopping,Pageants,Working at Libby Lu , Guys....when they dont piss me off!,Spending time with my AMAZING friends, flirting,Riding around in my Alero,being single....love is for losers!,church,Looking for a college! Expertise: Telling it like it is!lol ask anyone who knows me well enough to have experienced it..
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/3/2005
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| i dunno what it is lately...he seems so distant..i feel as if something is bothering him...eating away at his soul but he doesnt want to tell me....maybe im just over analyzing like i always do.but, know this for a fact...there is a alot of space between us.....he doesnt realize how much it hurts me to hear him say everythign is my fault al the time....can it really be all my fault?i admit i can jump the gunn a little to quickly sometimes , but every single argument?sometimes i feel as if anything i say or do is wrong..i mean just last nite i got all dressed up and he said how can u be dressed up for me if u knew i wouldnt like it....just things like that....or just being impossible..but its my fault..i always apologize..but its not sincere..how can i feel sincere if im told everything is my fault and everything is wrong.and he tinks i dont trust him..of course i do ....he spends the nite at girl's houses , random girls always call his phone and i never do anythign about it...but he gets mad if i ever question him...how can u love me if u dont trust me he says......but its hard when he isnt 100% honest about who the girls are...like this girl jamie kept calling him and chad last ntie and he said he hadnt talked to her in years .....well i asked how does she know chad..i dunno ..well then chad writes hima text dude hey keep calling me ......hmmm he hasnt talked to her in years but she knows his new cell number and she knows chad and that they are together........hm...not that i think he cheats on me but i know he is a flirt and i just wish he wold tell me about all these things......and someone told me the other ntie he once told some girl he didnt have a gf......wow......but he says its nto true so i believe him..dont get me wrong i love him .....theres jsut all this drama..i mean i never dated anyone that wants to spend four-five days aweek with a specific frind instead of me..nto even diff friends...just one.......every guy ive dated i would spend almost every day with...not 24/7 ..and nto that i dotn wnt him to have a life bc lord knows i need my friend time but dang 4 days w/o seeing him sometimes....and it doesnt help that we are moving in a month.......i understand hes living his friends too but most of them will still be here...i wont...and when he says he cant afford to take me to movies or out...he didnt know money meant so much to me...well, i mean he eats fast food almost everyday w/ chad ..sometimes 2-3 times a day and went to 3 movies w/ chad this month..how mant movies have we been to sicne we started dating?1!!!!..until last ntie of course and he mad a big deal about buying my ticket.......and he put his hand in my face and pushed me away qute a few times............i could not believe that .. i mean i got mad when byne put his hand in m face but to literally push me awa w/ force.......he knows how i feel about htat bc of my past and all............ | | |
| ok so here's the deal...josh says i start evry argument and chad agreed that i fight about nothing so... i need a new way to vent...i figure no one reads this anymore so it wouldnt matter, but if anyone is reading this im sorry bc it will be boring!but i really just need to write , not for anyone to read , but as a way to let all my feelings out so i dont cage them up... | | |
| u try to make me choose
but im really not suprised
please draw the line
between the truth and all the lies
u say u love me
u even look me in the eyes
so why do u talk to her
while im on the other line
oh so shes just a friend
ive heard that line before
does she not know about me?
or is she just a whore
i really cant take this
i dont know how i do
but i know overall
the most important thing is you
i cant loose u now
so i just smile as she walks by
i pretend not to notice
the tinkle in her eye
so keep you lil secret
i hope she was worth it all the while
so play your games
and tell me lies
for when i lay my head to nite
i will stifle the cries
u will never know the pain u cause me
or the way u make me feel
but even after all the suffering
i still love u by and by
so why cant u let this charade end...k so not finished but it a start
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| i feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest..i condem myself for being to sheltered, to closed, to reserved..but now the moments ive regretted, the chances i never took, the mistakes i never made , combined to bring any remote piece of happiness i still contained in my being to a stiffling halt......Vulnerability......how many times have i longed to be vulnerable...to be scared, to not know exactly what is going to happen..to stray away from the contemptous restrains that tie me down to the world as i know it...i wanted it, i longed for it.......i felt it for a few hours....the point of no return ...for once in my life...i went by my gut instincts..i threw caution to the wind....i guess u could say i followed my heart....but , vulnerability chose to show threw in its true nature...to hell with pride, im left with none....strength..did i ever really possess it? a true warrior can withstand their feelings....not me....i gave in. i played the fool, once again..my eyes never knew the tears cried tonite...a new kind of pain engulfed my already fragile heart...i now question whether i ever really , deseperately ,longed to to be vulnerable...it scares me most of all the numbness i feel..my compassion is diminishing...do i ever want to be loved? how can ones heart take the blows from love...is love not the worst form of punishment?as i type i can feel the last bit of faith..the latest minisicule ounce of trust i possess fade away...both lay dying along with me pride | | |
| foro nce in my life..im truely happy..no not everything is perfect.actually alotta things suck rite now...but im soo happy!!! | | |
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